Wednesday, July 29, 2009

State of Mind

I woke up this morning determined, my mind sent, every fiber of my being focus, ready to face the day and make it bend to my will. I was ready, despite a rather poor night sleep, I was awake and ready to show the world who was boss. I was going to write some of the finest chapters the world had ever seen (or at least that I had ever written). The world within my book would have new life breathed into it this day, and the characters would dance along the pages flowing from my finger tips as they clacked along the keyboard.

Then I got some news which I hadn’t been expecting. Nothing that directly affected me, but it had impact. It stopped me dead in my tracks. And I was disappointed, not in myself, as I said the news didn’t directly involve me, and it had taken place a short while back, so it wasn’t even as if it was fresh news, hot off the presses. I was disappointed in someone else, someone hundreds of miles away, but even hundreds of miles away the news of what had happened, what they had allegedly done, hit me like a brick wall.

Like that my state of mind, which had been so fierce, so focused, like a tiger on the hunt, was shattered. I was a kitten trapped in a tree, the world laughing at me from far below as gravity threatened to toss me to the ground. Sure I could land on my feet, but it was so far, it might hurt. My thoughts scattered, wandering to and fro, still wanting to make the most of the day, but now thinking of the other person, wanting to give them a good swift kick on the backside, shake some sense into them. But knowing that they are hundreds of miles away and not even having a way to reach them, that all such thoughts would be in vain and should be tossed into the ether.

So here I sit, my mind torn in two, trying desperately to regain its focus, and knowing that until I do, I am in no state of mind in which to work on my beloved project. So there it must sit, waiting for me to return, knowing I will, once I have collected my thoughts and can give it all the attention it so truly deserves. Writing must be undertaken in the right state of mind, or what chance do the characters stand, how many would fall needlessly in battle as your mind struggles with itself.

I understand so much more since I started this endeavor. So many things are based on a state of mind. A state of mind which we have so little control over, and is in a constant state of flux. So now I am going to sit, to drink my lovely coffee beverage, and think. Think of ways to return to my previous state of mind, or at least some semblance thereof.

1 comment:

  1. See, here's the thing, though...sometimes, like today, you don't have the luxury of a state of mind and you just have to get it done anyway. Sometimes it even helps, because it lets you walk away from real life for a while. Maybe a few paragraphs?